Being Adult

Attachment & Detachment – Being Adult


Detachment Attachment KKKHariAttachment is clinging to anything you believes is needed for your survival and pleasure. Attachment is the source of all our pleasures now. We are attached to our friends, to our relatives; we are attached to our intellectual and spiritual works; we are attached to external objects so that we get pleasure from them. What, again, brings misery but this very attachment? We have to detach ourselves to earn joy. If only we had the power to detach ourselves at will, there would not be any misery. That man alone will be able to get the best of nature, who, having the power of attaching himself to a thing with all his energy, has also the power to detach himself when he should do so. The difficulty is that there must be as much power of attachment as that of detachment. There are men who are never attracted by anything. They can never love, they are hard-hearted and apathetic; they escape most of the miseries of life. But the wall never feels the misery, the wall never loves, is never hurt; but it is the wall, after all.

Perhaps, we have come to realize that attachment can be the one thing that is preventing us from manifesting the results we want. So it is that we are already working towards our dream but we cannot help but feel all sorts of negative emotions ranging from insecurities, anxiety, fear, lack and frustration in the meantime. Our journey is turning out to be extremely painful.

“Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.” -The Dalai Lama

As someone who attempts to apply the Law of Attraction deliberately, having an attachment causes you to wonder why your desires are taking so long to manifest. And so, you lament over your lack. A look at the quick successes of your neighbours causes you to become convinced of your own misfortune. Naturally, by virtue of the Law of Attraction, because you are vibrating lack instead of fullness, you attract more lack.

To be attached to something means that you believe that you cannot do without it. Somehow you see that your life will be compromised without this possession. You are not able to realize the impermanence of all things physical. By being attached, you are unable to be free.

Detachment, in my opinion, is not the same thing as non-attachment. Detachment is a state of mind where you transcend the need of your self to put conditions on what you think others should believe, feel and do. You do your best for others with love, but with the sense of detachment, you don’t expect anything from the action and thought you relate to others. When you are detached, you cut off your feelings. You are not able to practice empathy or compassion. You cannot see from another person’s point of view. Getting into detachment can also be part of your coping mechanism. Sometimes when emotions get too overwhelming, your coping mechanism gets activated; thus causing you to withdraw.

Letting People Go Kokula Krishna Hari Kunasekaran

Letting People Go

In other words, you do not allow ego consciousness to take charge. Ego consciousness causes you to feel limited, separated and insecure. It is one that is based on the paradigm of lack. When you operate from ego consciousness, it is very difficult to claim your birthright to universal abundance.

Note that emotional responses generated by your ego are not the same as heart-centred desires from your soul. Desires that come from ego, causing you to crave “I want”, usually lead to attachment; which causes suffering. Such desires are backed by fear. On the other hand, your soul-level desire, from the centre of the heart, is for connection, unity and love.

Psychological balance, which involves identifying that level of emotional commitment to others that don’t compromise our all-important commitment to ourselves (i.e., doesn’t subvert our authenticity or genuineness), exemplifies the golden mean of attachment. Achieving this ideal means that our relationship to others complements the relationship we have with ourselves, and vice versa. As a result of such balance, we’re able to have the emotional involvement in the lives of others (and they in ours) that all of us need to feel meaningful, and rewardingly, connected to the outside world. This optimal level of attachment/detachment alone can provide us with a sense of ourselves as richly connected both to others and ourselves. Our sense of interpersonal “belonging” comforts and enriches us–yet in no way threatens our feelings of independence and self-determination. Paradoxically, we can belong simultaneously to the world outside us and also feel profoundly connected to the world within us.

For instance, I was very much attached to my very close friend. Of course, he was quite senior to me by 4 years in age. When I began the entrepreneurial journey, he was the one who supported me. We both had the same vision of not carrying a file of credentials and resume seeking employment. He was taking care of Project Management and learnt things very quickly. In 6 years of time, our conversations went so intimate to the level that I was first to whom he said about his love and his bae. I thought he was kidding, but it was so real and had an exclusive destination wedding. Had been almost 13 years in a row, we don’t speak every day. But I was his approving head earlier, so every day at 4 AM, I find his email with his action plan and agenda with a Good Morning. Most of the time, I don’t even acknowledge but I read it every day when I wake up and speak up when it is required.

When I land in Australia, he would be the one to take care of just equivalent to his son. Whenever he visits India, he pops up at our nearby hangout place for a cup of coffee or dinner. He gets all that happens around me through my Private Secretary (Protocols). He along with his wife indirectly filters the bride profiles whichever comes as a prospect for me. And now I am just like their family member. The care which they impound on me would be marvellous and above the expectation whenever I visit. His wife still remembers one of my combo of Color Rice Vathal. This item had been an important item in their menu when I visit.

He secretly planned my Birthday Celebrations, my rise and fall on various occasions. The respect he shows every time I call, text or send some messenger is really awesome and very spontaneous. That shows how attached we are!

See you back soon!!


Kokula Krishna Hari K an Indian born in Pondicherry, South India in 1980's is a pure veteran with acquired knowledge in Business Administration, Computer Research and Entrepreneurship. More information about KK at www.kokulakrishnaharik.in