Way back in 2016, I was writing about the list of questions which needs to be asked to a Future Spouse before freezing our lives full of commitments and others. I was quite very busy at that time but did very good drafting at those times which had been a bible for most of my batchmates and colleagues while choosing their better halves. Most of them appreciated for my work, while a few scolded me for advising and not practising. Be is a Man or Women, the process of making a decision involves various factors. No one is the ideal match and no one is perfect including me.
Life isn’t all about interrogation or questioning. But also, matching the equivalency is important. In this post, I have compiled some of the questions, which I induced my folks about what to ask and what not to ask. Try asking some day by day, not all at once. If asked, I am not responsible for any collateral damages caused.
No one can define a set of questions for the better half and specifically, women are nurtured with bundles of questions. I am not concentrating on the complex riddle based questions which your wife may ask in your life. These questions are just the conversation initiator for any relationship, mostly romantic life locking relationships. A minute silence and salute to all those who are trying to achieve their PhD level in conversation with these questions.
It is not that everyone should answer every question but few variables like “I don’t want to answer”, “Hmmm…”, “OK”, “Pass…”, “Lolz…”, “K”, and other such should be accumulated to see the conversation levels. Also, the time frame to answer the question matters.
All the Best Folks!!!
APPEARANCE
- Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo?
- Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary? Has physical appearance or chemistry ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Do you go to the Gym? How much time do you spend there?
- Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks?
- How important is it that you always look your best?
- How important is your spouse’s appearance? Do you have strong preferences about being with a particular physical type?
- How much money do you spend on Artistic and Makeups every year?
- How much money do you spend on clothing every year?
- Is weight control important to you? Is your spouse’s weight important to you? What would your reaction be if your partner were to gain a significant amount of weight?
- What do you like and dislike about your appearance? When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks?
- What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb? A breast? How would you handle this loss?
- Which skin tone colour do you love? Wheatish or Black or Brown?
CHARITY
- Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the haves of the world to help the have-nots?
- Do you work for any charity care?
- Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity?
- What do you think about the Communism?
- Which kind of charities do you like to support? How much of your annual income do you donate to charity?
COMMUNICATION
- Are you in Social Media? How active are you in Social Media? (Social Media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other such)
- Are you in TikTok or other such applications?
- How many times do you check your official email or personal emails every day?
- Do you belong to any Internet chat groups?
- Do you spend significant time each day writing c-mails?
- Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person?
- Do you have an unlisted telephone number? If yes, why?
- Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How many texts on an average you send in WhatsApp or other such?
- How much time do you spend in Social Media?
- How much time do you spend on the phone every day?
- What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or social media OTT?
- Which smartphone do you have? Android or iPhone?
COMMUNITY
- Do you believe that good fences make good neighbours?
- Do you get involved with the kids and pets of neighbours?
- Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbours? For example, would you give a neighbour a spare key to your home?
- Do you regularly participate in community projects?
- Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbours (for example, keeping a lid on loud music, barking dogs, etc.)?
- Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbour?
- Is it important for you to be involved in your local community?
CULTURE
- Do you attend concerts featuring your favourite musicians?
- Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows?
- Do you like to dance?
- Do you like to watch TV for entertainment?
- Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home?
- Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities?
- Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do? (By the way, if they do, maybe it’s because they are living their lives, while you are watching them live their lives. Are you wasting the opportunity and gift to live your own life?)
- Does popular culture have an important impact on your life?
- Have attitudes or behaviours around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- What is your favourite style of music?
EDUCATION
- Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you, or enrol in advanced-learning programs that will help you in your career or profession?
- Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn’t attend college?
- Have disparities in education ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or ended a relationship?
- Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How do you feel about private school education for children?
- Do you have a limit on how much you would be willing to invest in private school education?
- What is your level of formal education? Is your education a source of pride or shame?
EXTENDED FAMILIES
- Are you close to your family?
- Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family?
- Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?
- Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you?
- How close are you with your kins and cousins?
- How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges?
- How frequently you meet your relatives or cousins?
- How important is it that you and your partner be on good terms with each other’s families?
- How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions?
FINANCE
- Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Before high school?
- Do you believe in establishing a family budget?
- Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? Under what circumstances?
- Do you believe that a certain amount of money should be set aside for pleasure, even if you’re on a tight budget?
- Do you gamble?
- Do you have significant debts?
- Do you pay alimony or child support?
- Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever been called cheap or stingy?
- Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money?
- How important is it for you to make a lot of money?
- If you had unlimited resources, how would you live?
- Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts? Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person’s salary?
- What is your annual income?
- Who should handle the finances in your family?
FOOD
- Are you a Big Foodie?
- Are you a Salt person?
- Are you good at preparing coffee/tea?
- Do you like Hot/Spicy food?
- Do you love ice-creams?
- Do you love vegetarian or non-vegetarian?
- Do you prefer for Hotel Food or Home Cooked food?
- What food do you love?
- Which cuisine is your favourite?
- Which food do you cook?
- Which is your favourite dessert item?
- Which is your favourite hotel/restaurant? Which dish is more preferred?
- Which is your starter item?
- Which style of food do you love cooking?
FRIENDS
- Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is?
- Do you have a best friend?
- Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends?
- Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week?
- Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day?
- Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship?
- Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever had a breakup with your Friend? How did you feel and handle it?
- How do you define a Close Friend, Best Friend and a Friend?
- How usual do you fight with your friends? How quick are you in patching up with?
- If your friends need you, are you there for them?
- Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?
- Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?
GENDER ROLE
- Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this?
- Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas?
- Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?
- Do you need to feel either in control or taken care of?
- Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship or the cause of a breakup?
- How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women? In your family; could anyone do any job as long as it got done well?
- How important is equality in a marriage? Define what you mean by equality.
HEALTH
- Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?
- Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself?
- Do you believe that taking care of your physical and mental health is a part of honouring your marriage vows?
- Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week?
- Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction?
- Have you ever been told you have an addiction problem, even though you might disagree?
- Do you drink? If yes, how much alcohol do you drink every week?
- Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life (for example, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction, etc)?
- Do you have health insurance? Dental insurance?
- Do you play sports or take exercise classes?
- Do you see a therapist?
- Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?
- Do you take medication?
- Do you use recreational drugs?
- Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?
- Have you ever been in a serious accident?
- Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder?
- Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery?
- Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?
- Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?
- How would you describe the current state of your health?
HOLIDAY AND BIRTHDAYS
- Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays?
- Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- How important are birthday celebrations for you? Anniversaries?
- What do you usually do on Sundays or Bank Holidays?
- Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate?
HOME
- Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings?
- Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home?
- Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone?
- How independent are you in Home Management?
- If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
- Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer an apartment or condo living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance? Are you a do-it-yourselfer, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper?
- Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time? Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on?
LAW
- Do you believe it’s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes?
- Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?
- Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what?
- Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why?
- Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances?
- Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened.
- Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it?
- Have you ever failed to pay child support? If so, why?
LEISURE
- Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports?
- Are you usually the “life of the party,” or do you dislike being singled out for attention?
- Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?
- Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you’ll do something wrong or people won’t have a good time?
- Do you enjoy spectator sports?
- Do you have a hobby that’s important to you?
- Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home?
- Do you socialize primarily with people from work, or with people from the same ethnic/racial/religious/ socioeconomic background? Or do you socialize with a diverse mix of people?
- Does your work involve attending social functions? If so, are these occasions a burden or a pleasure? Do you expect your spouse to be present, or do you prefer that your spouse not be present?
- Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the other’s behaviour at a social function?
- How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities?
- Is it important for you to attend social events regularly, or does the prospect rarely appeal to you?
- What activities do you enjoy that don’t involve your partner? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities?
- What is your idea of a fun day?
LIVING EVERY DAY
- Are you a physically affectionate person?
- Do you consider yourself an easy-going person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action?
- Do you fight fair? How do you know?
- Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?
- Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations?
- How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens?
- How much sleep do you need every night?
- What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?
- What drains you of your joy and passion?
- What is your favourite season of the year?
- What is your greatest limitation?
- What is your greatest strength?
- What is your idea of a fair division of labour in your household?
- What is your idea of perfect relaxation?
- What makes you feel the most alive?
- What makes you most afraid?
- What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?
- What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful?
- What makes you most secure?
- What makes you really angry? What do you do when you’re really angry?
- What makes your heart smile in tough times?
- What most stands in the way of your creating a passionate and caring marriage?
- What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?
- When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?
- Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person?
MEALTIME
- Are you a Vegan or Vegetarian or Eggetarian or Chicketarian or Halal or consumer of all that Flies in the air and swims in the water?
- Do you expect others in your household to adhere to certain dietary restrictions?
- Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices?
- Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run?
- Do you love to cook? Do you love to eat?
- Do you adhere to strict timings on consuming food?
- How long do you usually eat a meal?
- Has eating ever been a source of shame for you?
- Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship? Have they ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love?
- When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner?
MEDIA
- Do you believe what you read and see in the news, or do you question where information is coming from and what the true agenda is?
- Do you see the debate shows the type of information dissemination?
- Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news?
- Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Where do you get your news (for example, TV news programs, radio, newspapers, newsmagazines, the Internet, friends)?
MILITARY
- Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action?
- Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you served in the military?
- Have your parents or other relatives served in the military?
- Would you want your children to serve in the military?
PARENTHOOD
- Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in (time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)?
- Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby? Do you believe a mother or father should stay at home with a child during the first six months of life? The first year? Longer?
- Do you believe that children have rights? Do you feel that a child’s opinion should be considered when making family and life decisions, such as moving or changing schools?
- Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?
- Do you want children? When? How many? Are you unable to have children?
- Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption?
- How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family?
- How would you handle it if you didn’t like your child’s friends?
- How would you handle it if you didn’t like your child’s friends?
- In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children?
- Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behaviour?
- What is your view of abortion? Should a husband have an equal say in whether his wife has an abortion? Have you ever had an abortion?
- What is your view of fertility treatments? Adoption? Would you adopt if you were unable to have a child naturally?
- Who is responsible for birth control? What would you do if there were an accidental pregnancy before you planned to have children?
- Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied? Do you believe it’s your choice, or does your partner have a say?
- Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children?
- Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?
- Would you teach your teenage son on birth control like condoms or others?
PETS
- Are you an animal lover?
- Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship?
- Do you consider pets members of your family?
- Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet?
- Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever been jealous of a partner’s relationship with a pet?
- Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal? Have you deliberately hurt an animal?
- If you have a pet, what type of food do you love to feed them?
- Is your attitude Love me, love my dog?
POLITICS
- Did you vote in the last Lok Shaba election? Chief Ministerial election? Local election?
- Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of colour, poor people, and the disenfranchised?
- Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?
- Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved?
- Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action?
- Do you fight in Social Media for any political party?
- Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Which political issues do you care about? (For example, equality national security, privacy, the environment, the budget; women’s rights, gay rights, human rights, etc.).
RACE, ETHNICITY, AND DIFFERENCES
- Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity? What are they? Where did they come from? (We aren’t born biased, we learn it, and it’s important to trace where it was learned.)
- Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or as a mirror of yourself? How about your personal life?
- Have different ideas about race, ethnicity and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?
- How important is the Caste or Religion or Community for you?
- How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person?
- Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?
- What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child?
- What were your family’s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?
- Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed?
RELATIONSHIP HISTORY
- Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship?
- Do you harbour fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?
- Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future?
- Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?
- Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn’t go through with the wedding?
- Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?
- Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?
- Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment?
- Have you ever sought marriage counselling? What did the experience teach you?
- If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviours that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you’re not proud of?
- What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn?
- When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it?
RELIGION
- Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you?
- Do you believe in life after death?
- Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person?
- Do you currently practise a different religion from the one in which you were raised?
- Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion?
- Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life?
- Does your religion impose any behavioural restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner?
- Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?
- How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?
- Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice?
- When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque?
SEX
- Do you enjoy viewing pornography?
- Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why?
- Do you prefer performing sex with lights ON or OFF?
- Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try and help you feel better?
- Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex?
- Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted?
- Have you ever felt forced to have sex to keep the peace? Have you ever forced someone or been told that you forced someone to have sex with you to keep the peace?
- How frequently you use to talk with your very close friends about sex?
- How often do you need or expect sex?
- Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?
- What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?
- What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific! This is no time to hedge.
- What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex?
- Where did you get to know about sex, relationship and intimacy?
TRANSPORTATION
- Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car?
- Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket?
- Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car?
- Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all?
- Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool?
- How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle?
- Are you reluctant to let others drive your car?
- Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you? Is your car your castle?
TRAVEL/VACATIONS
- Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning?
- Do you enjoy travelling, or are you a homebody?
- Do you have favourite vacation destinations? Do you believe it’s wasteful to spend money on vacations to distant places?
- Do you think it’s important to have a passport? To speak a foreign language?
- Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- How do you usually travel? Air or Rail or Road or others?
- How many countries you have travelled before?
- How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses?
WORK
- Are you working on your chosen field?
- Do you consider your work a career or just a job?
- Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
- Have you ever been called a workaholic?
- Have you ever been fired?
- Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?
- How many hours a week do you work?
- What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?)
- What is your dream job?
- What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?
